Thanks to Judith Haire for taking the time to share her story with us here and tell us about the book she has written about her experiences...
I'm 54 and at the age of 37 I experienced an acute psychotic episode which saw me hospitalised for six months. I was catatonic, mute and refused all food and drink for the first eleven days so I had to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
The consultant told my parents he was saving my life rather than my sanity. I had six treatments of electro-convulsive therapy while sectioned.
I'd grown up in a dysfunctional family and at the age of fourteen my grandmother died and I was not allowed to go to her funeral. I became depressed and, as a grief response, started to hear voices.
Without my knowledge, my mother arranged an appointment for me at the Child Guidance Clinic and one morning, when I thought my father was driving me to school, I was taken there against my will.
I was too frightened to reveal what was really going on at home and so was my mother so I was medicated and labelled a psychiatric case.
Against the odds, I graduated from Sheffield University in Politics in 1981 and returned to work in advertising before spending eleven years working in the civil service.
I'd married in 1985; the relationship was abusive and I experienced rape and domestic violence. I escaped in 1987 and I tried to carry on without help.
I went into another relationship which soon broke down and, eventually, I could bottle up my emotions no longer and I broke down and became psychotic.
I stayed on medication from 1993 to 2000 and my recovery was not always easy. It really helped that I have a supportive GP. He encouraged me to regain my motivation by creating routines for myself. I found my confidence gone completely; it was a case of starting all over again.
In the early days, I was very frightened and would not leave the house on my own. Some days I would stay in one room. I was embarrassed because I'd been mentally ill and tended to avoid people.
In 2000, I was very much better, and was lucky enough to meet a wonderful new partner and we married in 2001.
My recovery has not been plain sailing and I have had several mild relapses where I've had to go back on medication for a few weeks. I found out that, in the brain, the dopamine receptors take a long time to settle down after psychosis so relapses can happen. I did not let the relapses put me off and I continued on my recovery journey.
I went on a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which helped me overcome the obsessive compulsive disorder that I had developed while in recovery.
In recent years I've found the confidence to go to college and have passed GCSEs in Maths and Science. Passing the maths one was especially poignant for me as my father had removed me from classes as a child and I was unable to sit the exam at school.
I've taken other courses too, including, painting and drawing.
In 2007, I decided to try writing about my experiences and had an article published in Mental Health Practice magazine. It was this success that encouraged me to write a book.
I've found that having a mental breakdown showed me who my true friends were. Some could not cope and walked away. Last summer, I found myself exhausted after my exams and after taking on a voluntary office job as well so I relapsed again, but was off my medication in eight weeks.
Whereas, I expected support from family members, there were those who showed hostility towards me and criticised me for saying I'd recovered. I say recovery is a process. I was criticised for not taking medication full time too, but I don't see this an option for me and I find the side effects hard to tolerate. I have had surgery to remove cataracts from my eyes twice. These cataracts were caused by the anti-psychotic medication chlorpromazine as the ophthalmologist who made the diagnosis told me.
My book, Don't Mind Me, was published by Chipmunkapublishing in 2008 and tells the story of my dysfunctional childhood and teenage depression; my abusive first marriage and experience of rape and domestic violence; my terrifying descent into psychosis; my experience of electro convulsive therapy and my recovery.
I write the book to help others, as well as myself. Nowadays, I have an excellent quality of life and am glad I've found the courage and willpower to maintain my recovery and lead a full and interesting life.
Don't Mind Me by Judith Haire is available in paperback from Chipmunkapublishing, Amazon, Rethink and can be ordered by any bookshop if they don't have it in stock.
(Editor's note: Research about chlorpromazine induced cataracts is widely available. If you wish to find out more about this a Google search for 'chlorpromazine + cataracts' will return a wealth of research documents. Please ensure you read research from reputable sources.)
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