A schizophrenic mother writes: "I'm just like you"

THIS anonymous post offers an eye-opening view of schizophrenia, an often misunderstood - and misrepresented - condition. Thank you to the lady who has written this for allowing us to highlight her beautifully written story.

I'M a mother of three, with a wonderful husband, a nice house to live in, a great job, a bunch of  good friends. But wait, that's not all. I fit with ease in a size eight and look about ten years younger than I really am. Do you envy me yet? In that case, you're not alone, as a lot of people do.

Let me tell you one more thing, before you make your mind up. I've got schizophrenia. Does that still sound like the kind of life you'd want for yourself? I guess not, but it's my reality. A reality I try my hardest to hide from not just my friends and colleagues, but even from my own loved ones.

Photo by papazimouris on flickr

Yes, I'm ashamed of my illness. Ashamed of who I am, because the schizophrenia turned me into someone I never wanted to be. It turned me into some kind of freak, who can't distinguish fantasy from reality – or at least, that's what most people would think if they knew. And instead of liking and respecting me, they'd suddenly fear and shun me. Isn't that crazy?

But why fear me? I'm not violent, and I'm not usually weird either, except perhaps in a good way. The weird, as in having fun. I'm not that much different from 'normal' people. It's just that my perception of reality is different.

Let's talk about that for a moment. These so-called hallucinations. So I hear voices that others can't hear, and I see things that others don't see. I even feel things that I shouldn't be able to feel, according to others.

Now tell me, what am I to believe when I see these other-worldly creatures crawling all over my body, and feel them scratching at my skin and trying to eat me? And what am I to believe when I see this dark figure in the shadow under a tree and hear him say, “You are evil and shall be punished.”

Am I really crazy if I run away from home and try to hide somewhere in the woods? Wouldn't you do the same, if you had to live with those cruel voices and these other violent creatures? 

This is my reality.

Of course I can take medication to help control the symptoms of my illness. And I do, if I really have to, but for several reasons, I prefer not to take medication.

I'm one of the lucky few that are – most of the time – able to live with the demons inside without having to rely on pills. In a way, I guess you could say I somehow managed to tame them.

Yes, they'll always be a part of my life. The voices that no-one else can hear, the creatures that others can't see or feel, the strange smells, and all these little things that make me different. But I'm not crazy. I'm not the drooling, raging lunatic most people think a schizophrenic is. In fact, I'm just like you.

Scary, isn't it? 

Comments

[Livi]

Absolutely excellent post. It seems to be one of the most misunderstood problems, and that is an absolutely fantastic way to explain it.

[Linda]

Thank you Livi, I'm sure the writer will be checking back here to see if anyone has commented. I was struck by the simplicity of the post and how accessible she made it.

[TheMadHouse]

Very scary indeed. I sometimes wonder if I will ever excape the metal health issues tag that hangs over my head. Thank you for writing such an insightful post

[M]

That was a wonderful post.

An insight into the trials and tribulations of the human mind. And the struggle that is every minute of every day. Not everyone has the courage and inner strength to face, and come to terms with, their inner demons.

Now, maybe more people will see, that it IS possible, and find their own inner strength.

[All about the boys]

Wonderfully written.

[SchizoMum]

Thank you. I feel encouraged by your kind words.

[tammy samith]

Wonderfully written! This story was very insightful and impressive. My ex-husband started struggling with this same condition when he was still a teenager, and often described to me of having these type of experiences. It helped to hear someone else express what it's like.

[Diane]

Great post on a very misunderstood illness. I was a member of a mental health support group in my early 20s, and met a lot of people who heard voices and saw things that weren't real (they had different diagnoses). They were all good people and not scary at all, and I'm so glad I had that stigma-shattering experience.